Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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