i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
