I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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