...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
