Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
