9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
