My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize