I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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