We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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