I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
