I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
