So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
