R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
