When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
