i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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