im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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