im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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