so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
