This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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