Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just google imaged poop.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's blow job season.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
