I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm at about main and main street
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
