Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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