saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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