no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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