my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
