Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
