wakey wakey hands off snakey
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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