I will die if light touches me.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
handjob tips. give me some.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
