You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
