bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
