based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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