Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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