He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize