no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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