i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
