My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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