Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
