I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
