His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
