I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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