I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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