well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just forgot I was standing up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
