I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
