saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
