I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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