Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
