OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
