That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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