just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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