Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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