i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
