And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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