new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
