the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
