Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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