I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
