I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
