There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
