I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
