just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
