theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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