she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
