At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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