careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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