Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
