I CAN MOONWALK!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
