pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
