I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
