marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
