I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
