god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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