i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
