Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
