I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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