I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
