you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
