so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
