Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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