When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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